The latest post on the Guilds Wars 2 blog confirms that the waiting game is nearly over, confirming a full release for their eagerly awaited title some time in 2012. They also say that after a press-only beta next month, future testing events will be “aggressively ramped up” from March onwards. Cor! After five years of anticipation, it’s all starting to kick off!

Best get to polishing those applications, folks. It’s going to be one of the hottest tickets of the year…

So here’s the story: After a chain of poorly-communicated delays spanning through 2009, the $12 / £10 WiiWare release of the game in North America last year was deservedly well-received but expensive and somewhat glitchy. It included one particularly annoying bug with music playback when the original music tracks were selected instead of the default remixed tracks (which some people – including myself – didn’t like). Not only did it take eight months to get these problems patched out but it took ten months after the NA release for the game to get to Europe. Meh. So far, so mediocre.

Then there was the DSiWare release for portable gamers to enjoy Quote’s adventures. Cool. But a year on from the Japanese and North American releases last November, it still isn’t available in Europe, despite a suggestion from Joystiq it would be out around Q2 of this year. It seems likely that Euro gamers will now never see that version due to the incoming Cave Story 3D for the 3DS (which – who’d have guessed? – has also been delayed). Based on their track record, who knows when the 3DS incarnation will arrive in Euroland…

Surely things can’t get any more ridiculous. But wait! Yes they do!

Time rolls forward to September of this year, when Cave Story+ first appears. It features a smattering of new features and an unlockable new level, Wind Temple, designed to be roughly as difficult as Sanctuary (the hardest level of the original game). Where’s the best place for this masterpiece? Erm… on Mac OSX, apparently. Nicalis no doubt believed it was another platform to attract customers on. However, the original game was already playable on Mac using Wine - and just like the old PC version, it supported mods, too. {EDIT: As mentioned in the comments, there is in fact a true Mac port of Cave Story available through this page} I can’t divine exactly why CS+ went here first – presumably because it was something that was easy for them to do? – but at this point the “cross-platform” excuse is being stretched fairly thin.

Now, a couple of months later and well over a year after the game started its journey into the mainstream, Windows users have a chance to be milked for their dosh in a direct port of this latest version. Frankly I no longer accept the argument of wanting to make the game as cross-platform as possible; Nicalis have done far more to turn Cave Story into a cash-cow for the most convenient audiences than they’ve done to genuinely improve it.

And if you’re thinking that I’m a hypocritical fanboy who only loves something while it’s free – nothing could be further from the truth. Despite my gripes I’m delighted that many more people have the chance of playing this gem. I simply wish that Pixel had a direct Paypal link so I could pay him £30 without any of it lining the pockets of a greedy publisher who seems to have not lifted their little finger for the European fan base until now – and that in only an incidental way (a Mac to PC port through Steam couldn’t have been difficult).

TL; DR: Simply put, for the relatively small amount of work Nicalis have done to the game – compared to the effort Pixel has put in to get the new versions ready – I do not believe they warrant their share of the loot. Delays are something Nicalis are experts at. Right back at ya, guys: I’m delaying giving you my money. Permanently.

Yes, I’m bitter, and I’ll stick right here with the original game, thanks.

I guess with a name like that it must be a racing or driving sim of some kind. The demon-like thing in the screenshot is probably the artwork that appears on your hero’s car bonnet.

I’ll be sure to keep you up to date with any news about this completely new and hitherto unknown game as it arrives on my desk. A bit of breaking news, though – someone just told me it contains zombies! Wow! A driving game with zombies in it! What will they think of next…

(And no, don’t be silly, of course I didn’t get a key. But if you want to watch some videos while you wait for yours to arrive, I recommend this suitably hilarious playthrough courtesy of the Yogscast.)

That said, the reason for my surprise was twofold. They think that both Diablo 3 and Guild Wars 2 are going to be out this year! Whoooooaaa there, Nelly. As much as I’d be in RPG heaven were this to happen, I just really can’t see it… though of course there’s that leaked release schedule document which was all over the interwebz last month suggesting 2011 might be the year after all. Perhaps a combination of waiting this long and being generally cynical about everything has made me over-patient.

Anyhow, as I switched my brain into “lurk” mode in work today, I got to thinking about what games I’d like to play – if elephants could fly – this year. Daydreaming is fun! Keep reading after the jump to find out what I came up with.

I already mentioned two of the big-name games I’m chomping my fingernails in expectation for, but there’s plenty more gaming goodness being prepared that I’m closely keeping my eyes on. I don’t expect to be shockingly controversial, but still – here’s my top 10 in awesometastic chart-stylee reverse order:

10. Elite 4
We’re entering the realms of complete fantasy already! Of course there’s no chance of seeing this game any time before 2013 at the absolute earliest, but I have faith in David Braben and Frontier. When this game is released, those X games will finally be shown who’s boss, oh yes indeed.

9. The Unfinished Swan
This game really took my interest when I first saw it mentioned as part of the IGF 2009′s Student Competition. An entirely black and white world where you can find a path only by firing balls of paint to identify your surroundings could lead to an intensely surreal and spooky experience. Looking forward to it.

8. Unreal Tournament 4
Teehee… it’s another pipe-dream, I know. The original UT was a masterpiece of deathmatch, better than any version of Quake, and UT200x was up there at the same lofty heights of success. UT3 was a big disappointment for me; Epic‘s next installment can’t come quickly enough to dull the pain, and for the love of toast, no hoverboards this time, okay?

7. Fez
Shame I don’t have an Xbox to play it on! Hopefully the PC release will grace our hard drives at some point this year. Gorgeous three-dimensionalised pixels form a kooky-feeling platform world. With the potential for secrets and fun a-plenty, here’s hoping that Polytron can finish things up to bring us those trixels these year!

6. Dungeon Siege 3
All of the previous Sieges were solid action-RPGs and proved themselves as enjoyable alternatives to the behemoths of the Diablo family. With Obsidian developing it and Square Enix‘s involvement as publisher, I have high hopes that this one could be the best yet. I mean, surely it must be better than Space Siege, right?

5. Mythos
Oooh, an MMO! Created by accident from Flagship Studios‘ networking test code for Hellgate: London, this was an online action-RPG whose life has been a rollercoaster ride. With a new closed beta imminent, hopefully Frogster can harness the great potential and prevent it from becoming “Koreanized” too heavily.

4. Subversion
Procedurally generated cities, Mission: Impossible-style gadgets, and daring heists with multiple solutions to each problem: Subversion has all this and more. Having been in development for over four years, Introversion are going for something on an epic scope beyond anything they’ve made so far. Could be seriously awesome.

3. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Some people say that Oblivion wasn’t as good as it predecessor, Morrowind. Regardless of whether this is true or not, Oblivion was a fantastic game which could easily be described as the Elite of the fantasy RPG world. Skyrim has its work cut out to continue the legendary Elder Scrolls legacy but Bethesda have proved with their work on the Fallout series that they’re up to the task. This will be BIG.

2. Portal 2
“These next tests require co-operation…” GlaDOS is making a vengeful return and it sounds like the intervening years since Aperture Science’s computer overmistress first made us doubt the existence of cake have made her even nastier than before! With promises of significantly more content than the original game and a tantalising prospect of co-op gameplay where hilarious disaster rewards even the slightest mistake, I suggest you get your weighted companion cube ready… and bring a willing vict- uhm, I mean friend while you’re at it!

1. Torchlight 2
Runic Games astonished a lot of people with the quality of their underdog smash hit last year and they’re soon going to answer the only major criticism of Torchlight‘s superbly distilled click-kill-loot gameplay. With internet play for up to 4 adventurers at once, a new overworld, weather and day / night cycles, and several other refinements, the sequel seems destined to achieve something close to perfection. If Runic can work their magic again and steal the jump on… well, you-know-what, then the balance of power upon the action-RPG battlefield could be seriously upset. Watch yourself, Blizzard. These flickering shadows of Torchlight might scare your pet demons away…

discussion forum

GoonSwarm were founded by members of the Something Awful community and achieved notoriety for being one of the least restrictive groups to inhabit the outer reaches of space, operating under the philosophy that anyone, regardless of skill, should be able to get a taste of what life can be like in 0.0 territory. Their sudden departure from the region leaves a massive vacuum that may well trigger a widescale conflict for control of valuable resources.

No official explanation has yet been given for why the alliance has broken up in this way, but whatever the reason, it’s definitely a pivotal moment in EVE‘s history.

forum thread

They also linked to a selection of photos capturing their sound-recording men in the field. They look like they’re having a great time – I’d love to have their job…

For more Guild Wars 2 news, check out its website.

UFHO2

this list

What, no Wii Cave Story?!

No sign of NIGORO‘s redone version of La-Mulana either, or indeed the blockbuster-in-waiting Super Mario Galaxy 2. But I suppose there’s a whole nine other months which they haven’t mentioned yet…

My pick of the list would have to be  Worms: Battle Islands, ‘cos you just can’t get enough of the classic 2D Worms action. But I really wish Team 17 would come back to their roots and bring out an updated PC version (that’s 2D, not those silly 3D versions). Worms Armageddon / World Party are beginning to show their age – they’re over eight years old, after all. Just think what you could do with proper physics! Ragdoll worms! Particles! Water with proper reflections! Bigger, better, more detailed landscapes! Local networking without the annoying lag! Even just the slightly-more-shiny graphics upgrades of the console ports would be nice. Please guys, you know you want to make it happen…

While us poor old westerners have never been given a solid idea of when we might see our version of the game, this announcement isn’t especially encouraging for those who are still waiting. Conspiracy theories abound (in several places) on exactly what the “production-related” issues are that Sony say have caused this latest delay – their unwillingness to set a new release date is a bit unnerving given how long the title has already been in development.

Now, I own a PS3, and although I can’t say GT5 was ever a game I was desperate to play on it, it bugs me how Sony have swung another hammer blow to a nail in the PS3′s coffin. How many more times are they going to drop the ball? Is it even a ball any more, or a mangled, deflated mass after being repeatedly dumped into a spiky burning pit of doom? Did they release the PS3 purely as an exercise in finding out the most cackhanded and drawn out way of systematically ruining a gaming platform? Sometimes it certainly seems that way.

Yes, I exaggerate. It probably isn’t that bad, and the pit wasn’t actually very spiky at all. Look on the bright side: at least Final Fantasy XIII appears to be on schedule…